Several hours ago, I had just gotten off of the phone with my main point of contact for this company that I was in the job interview process for.
There were three rounds. A 15-20 minute phone interview with the recruiter, a 30 minute phone interview with the head of HR, and a final in-person interview with the potential future boss. You know, your usual. (Although conversing with the head of HR is not really that usual… Okay, whatever moving on LOL)
I did well on the interviews, and both of my interviewers shared those sentiments with me. My first phone interview went over by 15-20 minutes, and the head of HR told me on the phone that I would proceed onto the final in-person interview. Based on what the company was looking for and what industry the company was in, I was a really strong candidate for this job opening. I don’t share this to brag; I want to give context and share about where I’m coming from.
Today, I was told that the job that I was applying for will no longer exist because the company decided against creating the department that it would be in.
Surprisingly, I didn’t cry this time, and I took it really well. HAHA I know, kinda sad and pathetic – but I’m just being honest. The past few times that I’ve been rejected, I cried for maybe a few hours. I’ve been job searching since August 2016, and there have been a lot of interviews and a lot of rejections. A sprinkle of acceptances, but none that worked out. Rejections, simply because I just wasn’t chosen to move forward and others, because I was going out of the country for missions when they needed me to start.
For you, it may not be “that job.” Change the context, and it could very well be that internship, that (med, college, grad) acceptance, that relationship… And the list goes on and on. The waiting game is a rollercoaster that most choose not to willingly ride. You can do and say all of the right things – it could be the seemingly perfect opportunity, and sometimes, God says “It’s not this one. (Actively) Wait on Me. Trust Me.”
And sometimes, it just sucks.
A few days after returning from missions, I caught up with a brother who shared with me about his post-grad experience through the lens of Isaiah 7:1-9 ERV. [Within 65 years it will be crushed, no longer a nation. 9 Ephraim depends on its capital Samaria, and Samaria is led by Remaliah’s son. So you have no reason to fear. Believe this, or you will not survive.] God promises a victory that will come in 65 years to His people in Isaiah 7:1-9. All they need to do is believe and to be faithful. Unbeknownst to this brother, he challenged me by the questions that he asked himself during this time of his life; They were along the lines of this:
- “Will I continue to be faithful even if a job doesn’t come for 65 years?”
- “Will I continue to be faithful even if I live in my parent’s house for 65 years?”
- “Will I continue to be faithful even if God doesn’t give me the things that I want/need?”
- “Will I continue to be faithful to God and to love Him for who He is and not what He gives?”
- “Will I choose to love God?”
“Will I continue to be faithful to God and to love Him for who He is and not what He gives?”
I know that this is coming from someone who’s only been a recent college graduate for 129 days, 11 hours, 35 minutes and counting… But I would say that it’s healthy to really examine why we believe in the Gospel – why we call ourselves believers. I never thought that I’d be in this camp of trying to do things the right way on the surface, but to have the wrong heart – especially regarding job searching. But in reality, that’s exactly where I was. I was praying through prayers of “surrendering everything” when really, my heart wasn’t there.
29 days after graduation (aka “real life/world” … I know, it hit me early), I re-examined my faith, and it was really scary. I’m weird in that I’ve never doubted in my entire life that God was real and that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to save me from sin and death. But here I was, 22 years old thinking about if life with Christ is really better. Is life with Christ really worth it? Woah, Esther. Does that mean you weren’t living for Jesus for the right reasons? At times, yeah! But we’re a fickle people, and God knows that. It doesn’t mean that there weren’t moments where I was pursuing God for the right reasons, but let’s be real. It’s a battle. Fighting for your heart and for your faith is hard. Some of you might remember this randomly long FB status/epiphany. Welp, this post was the result from this time of my life. Your salvation is not dependent on your faithfulness to God. Your salvation is dependent on God’s faithfulness to us – and that’s in Jesus. Jesus is the reason that we never have to doubt God’s faithfulness to us. But in all seriousness, where would we be without Jesus?
It’s okay to not be okay, but how you choose to move forward matters.
So, what made me not cry this time around? Lots of factors, but this being the main one.
I am not defined by my college degree or major. I am not defined by what others say or think. I am not defined by my status in society. I know that I am who God says that I am. It’s something that I have to fight to choose to believe… But I am a child of God doing my best to give glory to my Father, and He still wants me and loves me even when my best is crap. And he thinks that I’m really wonderful, talented, smart, and great. And he finds me funny. HAHA (But you know, God is the funniest cause He created humor.) I think you guys get what I’m saying. And if not, GOD IS YOUR NUMBER 1 FAN! REALLY, HE IS! 🙂
Our insecurity stems from our inability to see God rightly.
Oftentimes, we fall into insecurity because we are not secure in who we know God to be. If we really lived our lives in a way knowing that the Gospel is our treasure and that everything that we need is in Him (and that we’re meant for eternity with the God of this universe), our lives would look different. (Of course sin and the enemy each play a role in us not being able to really live that out 100%, but regardless – our lives would look different.)
So, Esther. When are you going to answer the question of where God is in the waiting? Well, my friend. He’s with you now. He was with you before your waiting, He’s with you now in the waiting, and He’ll be with you after the waiting. He’s always with you. He’s fighting for you. He sings over you. He rejoices over you. He loves you. Did you know that? Well, even if you did – He wants to remind you that He loves you. He’s for you. He sent Jesus to die a death that He didn’t deserve so that He could be with you. He’s all about you. He can never not be faithful to you because it’s against His character. He has plans for you. He shows you off to His angels LOL He is immensely proud of you. And you didn’t do anything to earn His love. There is no condition to His love, for you are His child, and He loves you. He is love. (… OMG as I sit here crying as I write this… lol God)
I don’t know what kinds of things you’re waiting for in your life. I don’t know if you’re waiting on any sort of news, or results from an exam, or waiting on an answer from someone, or waiting on a job (like me) – but God wants you to know that these things that you’re waiting on (that are good things) do not add or take away to/from your worth. You are worth everything to God. Literally. We need to trust that He is our Good Father who gives good gifts and knows what’s best for us. Even when his discipline sucks sometimes, guess what – it’s for your good~ and He does it because He loves you. (Hebrews 12:6)
Sorry that this post was all over the place. It’s really raw, but I feel like God wants to speak to you about His truths today concerning things that you’re waiting on or for. God doesn’t withhold. There’s more to this life than just (your/my) life. In Daniel 10, an angel sent to Daniel’s aid is delayed because of a battle! There are different factors that come into play that we aren’t even aware of. Our plan is not always God’s plan. Trust that God knows what He’s doing. Trust that help is on its way. Seek Him fervently with all of your heart, and you will find Him.
Before my second interview, I was super nervous, and I ended up writing this down. This desire to want to surrender was developed from praying through giving up control to God. Of course, it’s tough LOL But if you’re having a hard time praying through surrendering control to God, I recommend walking through prayer with this guide that my discipler shared with me. I helped me a lot, and I hope that you find it helpful too. You can find it here.
Praying for you guys. Take courage!
He’s in the waiting.